


We still got each other

by orphan_account



Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst, Child Neglect, Drugged Neal Caffrey, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Neal Caffrey Needs a Hug, Nightmares, Season 4 Spoilers, Self-Esteem Issues, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26359321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Neal was drugged when he went undercover, and he had a nightmare. After waking up, Neal implored Peter not to leave him.Peter starts thinking about Neal's past and personality.
Relationships: Elizabeth Burke & Peter Burke & Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke & Neal Caffrey
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Season 4 Spoiler

"Neal!" 

When Peter found Neal in the dimly lit warehouse, he cried and rushed to him. Neal wasn't tied up, but he was lying on the dusty floor, and his eyes were closed.

"Are you alright? Can you hear me?"

"Umm…"

Neal groaned with a muffled voice. Peter checked his body quickly, and when he couldn't find any injure on his body, he was a little relieved.

Neal had been going undercover for a few days. But today, suddenly, the tracker's signal was lost, and Peter couldn't get in touch with him, so Peter and his team were looking for him. 

"Hey, Neal. Can you walk?"

He peered into Neal's face, and he tried to make eye contact with him.

"Peter?"

Neal stared his partner with unfocused eyes and smiled gleefully. 

"You came to me…"

"Of course, I did. We have to get out here. Come on."

Peter put his arm around Neal's shoulder to support him walking.

"Did you hit your head?"

"No, I don't think so. They just drugged me.

Actually, I feel so good."

_ Again, Neal Caffery is high. Great.  _

Peter gazed up to the ceiling as he tired of it.

At that time, Peter got a phonecall and Jones told him that they arrested suspects.

"Neal, Jones got them."

"Ohh, that's good! My hard work paid off!"

"We would miss him if it wasn't for you. Well done."

Neal kept stare Peter with an amused smile, so Peter warned him. 

"Do not start singing. Not this time. You get it ?"

Neal giggled. 

"Why not? You don't like my singing voice?"

"It's not that, I…"

Peter has heard Neal's singing voice several times, and he thinks it was actually good. But Peter never says that to him.

"I can sing for you anytime, if you want."

Peter didn't finish his words, so Neal started speaking.

"Ok, thank you, Neal. It's very nice of you."

Peter replied so while rolling his eyes. Neal was still laughing. 

***

"He just has to take a rest today."

After the paramedics did some tests on him like checking his pupil, one of them told Peter. He was relieved and took a backward glance at Neal sitting on the floor. Neal kept saying something incoherent, so Peter moved away from him and listened to the paramedic's diagnosis in the other place.

"He doesn't have to go to the hospital, but he has to take a rest until he became totally clean."

"How long will it take?"

"It takes a few hours. The next morning, he will be fine. Can someone keep an eye on him today? Just in case."

"I will."

"You have to check he is breathing. And let him drink much water."

Peter told the paramedic, thank you, and he walked to Neal.

Neal probably was saying something funny or making jokes, and Diana and Jones were both laughing. Peter heard that Neal said, "Do you guys want to know how to forge it overnight?" to them. Peter

decided he'll pretend as he didn't hear anything.

"Neal, here's good news for you. You don't have to go to the hospital. You can go home now."

Peter said that with looking Neal down. He still has a smile on his face. Neal didn't even nod, but just stared at Peter's face.

"Peter?"

"What?"

"I wanna sketch you someday."

"Neal, what-"

"You know, I haven't my own artwork, but the only copy of someones. Because I don't know what I should draw... or want to draw, but you… sometimes you make me feeling like I wanna sketch you." 

Peter gets totally confused by Neal's unexpected confess. He opened his mouth a little bit.

"And did you know? When you play the role of the bad guy, you look so hot. Some people think so. I know that. No one can trick me because I am the best conman in this world!"

Neal rose the volume of his voice. Peter covered his mouth before he screams something anymore. Jones and Diana clearly laughed.

"He has a point."

Jones put a fist over his mouth, but he couldn't hide his smile. 

"I can't deny it, boss."

Diana no longer didn't try to hide that she was laughing. They never miss the opportunities they can make fun of their boss. Jones and Diana really enjoy it every time. 

"Ok, ok. Everybody, cut it off."

Peter raised his hand, which wasn't covering Neal's mouth to stop them.

"Neal, just stop it. Stop talking. I swear you'll regret this."

Before Neal drops the "truth bombs" anymore, Peter made him shut up. 

While Peter was giving instructions to his team members, Neal kept saying something to himself in a small voice. Peter tapped his shoulder.

"Come on. Let's go."

"Where are you going to take me? I wanna go home."

"I can't let you go to your home. June is on her vacation, right? I can't let you be alone today, so you'll stay at my home."

"Why?"

"Why… for what?"

"You can just leave me. Alone. If I would die tomorrow morning, it's not your business, isn't it?"

"Hey, hey, Neal. How could you say that? Of course, that's my business. Do you really think I'm such a merciless person?"

Neal just shrugged. 

_He is drugged, so it is no use to take his words seriously._ Peter sighed.

"I have to check on your status, so I'll keep eyes on you whether you like it or not. Get in my car, Neal. Now."

Peter supported Neal's body with his shoulder. They stumbled along to the car, and Peter managed to get him in a car. Neal seemed he was already half asleep when he sat in the front seat. Peter sighed again. 

"Please don't wake up until we get home…"

He murmured and started an engine. 

***

"El? Are you home?"

"Honey! I'm…"

Elizabeth showed up from the kitchen, and she got upset as soon as she saw Neal was nearly unconscious.

"Oh, hun, is he ok? What's happened?"

"He is drugged, but he's gonna be alright."

He put the bragging face on and added the words.

"And we arrested all suspects."

Elizabeth smiled back at him. 

"That's my boys."

Peter carried Neal and laid him on the couch. Satchmo ran up to him, and he licked Neal's hand. 

"You worry about him?"

He whined as if responding to Peter's words. 

"He's fine, Satchmo."

Peter petted him, saying "good boy." After he walked back and forth in front of Neal, Satchmo sat under the couch and stayed there for a while. 

***

When Neal realized, he was in a dark place. 

He looked around with confusion and noticed it was an old house that he used to live in when he was a child. Although it was his home, he felt this was not the place he was meant to be, but he couldn't figure out why he felt that way. Neal couldn't remember that he lives June's place now.

"Is anyone here?"

Neal said with a bemused voice, and he walked into the small living room. There was messy, and beer bins were scattered about there. He found a woman was lying on the floor. Neal couldn't see her face, but that was not an unusual sight for him, and he knew who she was.

"Mom?"

She didn't react to his voice. He little wondered whether she is still alive or not. 

"Why did James do such a thing?"

Instead of responding to Neal, she said in a hoarse voice. In spite of he couldn't see her face, he remembered his mother's lifeless look in her eyes. 

Neal stood in a trance. He started to recall what he tried to get his mother's attention. And what he learned from that.

"Mommy, I wanna go to school without being late!"

His high voice wasn't heard, so he learned how to deceive other people.

"Look! I got the highest score on the test in all classes!"

He studied so hard, and he got smarter, but she didn't say anything.

"Mom? I made this for you. do you want a bite?"

He has gotten better as cooking, but she didn't even try it.

"Don't sleep here, mom. You would catch a cold."

He learned that no matter how much he cares about someone, it does not always mean they return it to him.

"Mother? You did know everything, didn't you?"

He realized he hadn't should trust someone so easily because even his mother told him lies.

Neal's mother didn't say something meaningful to him to the end.

After telling a made-up story about Neal's father for him, she got messed more and more. Neal's mother was always in his home, but she wasn't there. When Neal was a child, he had always wanted her to look at him.

He still could remember how did he feel when he realized that he would never get it. 

He remembered everything. All of his painful memories and emotions flooded into his mind, and he was overwhelmed.

_My mother hadn't been paying any attention to me._

_My father walked away from mom and me and never came back._

_Kate was burst into flames with the explosive sound._

_Ellen-- who was the closest person as a family, stopped breathing in front of me._

"No, this is just a dream."

He muttered as if he's talking to himself.

_But this is also real._

In his mind, he realized that all of these tragedies were real. He fully understood it that almost more than enough.

"You can't run from what really happened."

Neal heard someone's voice. Or it could be his own voice.

He squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to look the harsh reality that he was alone in this world.

Neal was about to collapse on the ground, but at the time, he heard something. Someone's voice was calling his name.

Neal couldn't remember whose voice was it, but it sounded familiar, and he knew he had heard this voice for many years. And he knew he really liked that voice. He missed it, and he wanted to see the person who has this voice, so he tried to open his eyes. His world was getting bright…

***


	2. This is what I wanted

***

"Neal, wake up. Neal!"

"What—"

Neal breathed heavily, and he stared at the person who was tapping his cheek.

"P-Peter?"

 _The voice was from Peter._ Neal watched his handler without blinking and realized he was dreaming. Peter replied to the familiar voice.

"Are you alright, Neal? You were groaning. Do you feel anything wrong?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Neal said it before thinking deeply, and after he saw Peter's shocked face, he corrected what he said.

"No! I mean, no. I'm fine. I just… had a nightmare, I think."

Neal said so as he sat up. Peter saw a strained look on his face. He sat next to Neal.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Peter stared at him with wary and worried eyes. Because he knows this con man tends to pretend that he hasn't any problems even if actually he was not ok at all. 

"I'm totally fine. Am I in your…"

"Yeah, you're in my house. You were drugged, so I brought you here. Do you remember what happened?"

Pete got a glass of water that was on the table and gave it to him. Neal's hand was a bit shaking, but he managed to take a sip. Neal's brain was still foggy, and his memories are mixed up with the nightmare, so he needed a little time to remember.

"Ahh… I was going undercover. They found out I was not a real buyer, and they… drugged me."

Right after he said that, suddenly, he opened his eyes wide as though he recalled something very shocking. 

"Sorry, I failed it. I screwed up. You must be disappointed in me, but I'll never fail you again. I swear."

Peter didn't expect Neal would react like this, so he also opened his eyes wide. A few minutes ago, Neal looked so peacefully, but now, he looks like an abandoned puppy. He looked being so scared and frightened. 

Peter couldn't find out what he has to say, and he was thinking about questions that came up in his head.

_What the wrong with him? What is going on in his head? Why is he afraid so much?_

Peter even started thinking about if he should take him to the hospital or not. 

Neal took the silence moment the wrong way, and he read Peter's facial expression badly, so he held Peter's wrist.

"I-I can do anything. I'll do anything you want me to do. I can steal… or make everything. I can do more better. I can prove how much I'm useful. I won't let you down. Never again."

Neal speaks so fast that Peter couldn't say something. Neal held Peter's wrist harder. 

"So, don't leave me. Please, Peter. Don't abandon me, please…"

Neal desperately begged to Peter. He looked at Peter imploringly.

His blue eyes were filled with tears. 

Peter got very upset, and he talked to him in a fluster.

"Neal. Look at me. You didn't fail. It was not your fault."

In fact, it was not his fault. One of Peter's team members made a mistake, and that was why the dealers found Neal was going undercover.

Peter put his hand on Neal's hand that was holding Peter's wrist.

"I'm not angry with you, and I don't disappoint you. You hear me? I just… worried about you."

Peter continued his words while looking at Neal's tearful look on his face.

"And you don't have to steal anything. You won't commit any crimes for me. For anyone. There's nothing you have to prove by doing that."

Neal is gazing at Peter, and his eyes were still watery and glistening. It showed that Peter's words didn't work. 

_God_. Peter said in his head. 

Neal looked so weak, and he was not making jokes or smiling like he usually does. 

_He is so soft now._

It made Peter so confused and uncomfortable. Peter chose the words very carefully because he doesn't want to get this situation worse. 

"Neal, why do you think I'll leave you?"

Peter knew Neal doesn't think things straight now, and asking him something is not fair, but he felt that he had to ask why.

"Because no one stays by my side."

Neal's quiet voice made Peter's body stiffened. 

"Everybody left me. Kate, my parents, and even Ellen, no one stayed. "

Neal's mask was offed now. He usually puts the "perfect Neal Caffrey" mask on his face, and he keeps pretending as he is a perfect, fun, and attractive person. Peter thought He is a natural conman, and he can't stop acting like that. However, if it was not? 

_Is his mask one of the ways of protecting himself?_

Peter held his breath. 

_Why did he should get this skill in his life?_

"I want you to stay with me. I know, I'm not worthy of it, but I don't wanna be left again anymore…" 

Neal turned his head to the floor.

"I won't leave you, Neal. Never. I promise."

Peter said in a kind voice, but Neal shook his head a little.

"…What if it is a lie?" 

Neal said so, and he didn't look up and made eye contact with Peter. Neal's bangs were covering his eyes.

"My name was not Danny Brooks. My father was not even a hero, but a dirty cop. I had believed terrible lies in my whole life until I turned 18. My life started with many lies, and since then, my life has been filled with such things. How can I believe what you promised me is not another lie?" 

Neal recalled his nightmare. He remembered the people who all left him. 

The fear and loneliness still remained in Neal's confused mind. He was really scared of the idea he would be told more lies and left alone. 

_I can't even imagine how is that like his whole life was lies._

Peter thought. His family was not so wealthy, but he had a good father and mother. He had a fulfilling life, hope, dreams. Of course, Peter also had some tough time in his life, but at least these were all real. If he was put in the same position as Neal that one day he realized that what he had been believed were all not truths, Peter wasn't sure if he could get through it or not. 

Neal is so friendly and affable. He makes an impression that he is trustable person, and makes them believe him. And Neal acts as if he also trust people. But the truth is—Neal doesn't trust anyone. 

Peter felt like he understood that reason. 

Peter couldn't think Neal would believe Peter if he says something to him now. _My words maybe would not reach him._ Peter thought, and he couldn't find words to say to him. 

But at the moments, Peter recalled Neal's a little quivering voice.

"One of all the people in my life— Mozzie, even Kate, you know...you're the only one."

"The only one what?"

Peter asked him, and Neal answered unforeseen words.

"The only person in my life that I trust."

Yes, Peter knew Neal has the only person he trusts.

Peter gently hold his hand to Neal's cheek and talked to him.

"Neal, look at me. Neal."

He looked up slowly as if he was responding to a voice. 

"…I can't prove it. But, Neal, you told me you trust me, right?"

Neal nodded. 

"Then, you need to trust me. I won't leave you. I won't abandon you. No matter where you are, I'll find you. And I'll bring you home."

"Really…?"

"I got you twice. And last time, I did find you again, didn't I ?"

"…Right. You got me. Three times."

Neal seemed to get more calmed down than before, so Peter dropped his hand. 

"You always chase after me. Even if it's just because I was a criminal, I like it."

Neal's voice was unstable.

"You'll find me wherever I go. And... I know, it sounds weird, but that makes me feel… kinda... pleased?"

He said that with a faraway look. His eyes were half shut.

"All of the people... I wanted to be family... are gone. So, Peter... you are the only remaining family for me."

After Neal said it, he looked ahead and continued his words.

"...Maybe, you two."

Peter looked up, and he noticed Elizabeth was standing there. He didn't know how long has she stayed there and from when. 

Peter wanted to talk to her, but she shook her head. And her facial expression and body language told Peter, "say something to Neal, not me," so Peter turned his head to Neal.

"…Neal."

 _Is he listening to me?_ Peter doubted about even that, but he tightened his hand, and he tried to tell Neal that how much he is serious. 

"Not only me and El, but also Mozzie, June, Diana, and Jones, we all love you. You have us, Neal. You're not alone now. I want you to know that."

Peter knows that probably Neal won't remember what he said and what Peter said to him. Despite that he knew it, Peter couldn't help saying something to Neal, who now looks like a sad, lost child.

"I get it…"

Neal said in a feeble voice. He nodded with a relieved expression, and he closed his eyes. He started to lean against Peter, so he supported Neal's body and laid him on the couch again. 

Peter tapped his chest quietly with his warm hand.

Finally, Neal was breathing peacefully as he slept.

Peter sat down on the floor and breathed out deeply. He leaned on the couch to relax and looked up Elizabeth. 

"I didn't notice you, hun. How long have you been there?"

"For a while. I was going to say something, but Neal was seemed really confused, and I didn't want to make it worse."

Elizabeth sat next to Peter and smiled.

"And you were doing well, so I entrusted him to you."

Peter raised the corners of his mouth. He always loves and appreciates her. 

"Neal went through so many things... and that was must have been tough."

She looked sad and feeling sorry for him, so Peter hugged her to his side. They looked at Neal's sleeping face for a second, and then Elizabeth noticed that he was not covered with something. She said, "I'll get him a blanket" while standing up and went upstairs.

Peter was left with Neal. He looked sideways at him. Peter was starting to think about why did Neal act like that.

 _I thought he committed the crimes because he likes challenges. Not for money or greed._

Peter knitted his brow a little bit. 

_But maybe it was not the only reason._

Peter remembered what Neal had done before he was arrested, and the successes he made in the FBI by working with Peter.

_I know how capable he is. If he just tries, he can do anything. He could choose any jobs whatever he wants. Even if he was a painter, he had would be rich._

_Why did he keep being "criminal"?_

_For getting thrilled?_

_Peter shook his head._

_No, not only because of that._

_Neal said he stole the painting for Kate. He does not have his own original artwork. Maybe He doesn't know what he wants to be._

_Peter derived a conclusion from his thoughts._

_He was longing for something else._

While Peter was absorbing in thought, Elizabeth got a blanket and came back. After she put it on Neal softly, she glanced at Peter's face. Elizabeth noticed Peter was too quiet, and she got a hint that he was thinking something. 

"He's gonna be ok, honey."

"I know, El."

"So, what's on your mind?"

Peter laughed a bit. 

_Of course, she notices I was worrying._

He had never could hide something from his smart and great wife. 

"I was just thinking about…Neal. I had thought he commits the crimes because he likes challenges. But that might be not the only reason…"

"Then what do you think?"

"I guess, Neal just wants to…"

Be loved. Or figure out who he is. 

Peter couldn't say it out loud. Peter shut his mouth, and looked down Neal. Elizabeth put her hand on Peter's back without saying something. She seemed to realize what her husband was going to say. 

"…El."

"Yes?"

"What things can make him happy? How can he get happiness?"

"I don't know, honey…"

She smiled kindly at Peter.

"But some things are certain. Neal loves you, trusts you, and… he really needs you."

They gazed at each other.

"All we can do is to watch over him. Let's just wait and see what he'll find."

"Yeah, you're right, hun…"

"...Do you think does he know how had you obsessed with him?"

Elizabeth changed the topic.

"How do you mean?"

"I think you were really into him, maybe more than he did imagine. I was starting to wonder if I should think of a wedding planning with you and Neal."

Peter laughed a bit. 

"Oh, did you? I'm sorry, El. Forgive me."

She also chuckled. She continued her words with an earnest tone.

"He needs to know how much we care about him."

Peter just nodded. Elizabeth got close to Neal and pulled up the blanket. And she gave him a tender kiss on his forehead. 

"Speaking of Neal, do you think he will get hungry when he wakes up?"

"I think he would. He had a rough day, so he must have missed lunch."

"Right. I'm gonna make a light meal for him and you."

"Can I give you a hand, hun?"

"No, that's fine. I want you to be by his side."

Peter kissed her appreciatively. Elizabeth went to the kitchen.

Peter gazed at Neal with his kind eyes.

_If either of us left another, it probably would be you, Neal. Not me._

Peter thought so, and it was not the first time. Sometimes, he thinks about it.

_You are originally a free man. You could go anywhere._

_If there were nothing to keep you here or thought that you couldn't stay here any longer, you would disappear somewhere again._

That was who Neal Caffrey is.

"But, you know what?"

Peter talked to Neal silently. 

"I got you, Neal. I won't give up on you."

He flicked Neal's hair off his face.

"If you almost lost you're way, I'll bring you back to the right way.

And if you forget that, I'll tell you that as many times as you need."

Needless to say, Neal didn't say anything to him. Peter didn't care about that.

Peter was watching Neal's sleeping, and he had an urge to see Neal's smiling face and missed his sparkling blue eyes when he talked something very excitedly.

Peter liked watching Neal being happy. Sometimes he makes Peter irritated or gets in trouble, but still, he likes him. Peter didn't want to see Neal being depressed or sad.

Peter just wanted him to be happy. He knew Neal deserves it.

Peter hoped that Neal would figure out who he is, and what is the happiness for him.

_When he wakes up,_ _should I ruffle his hair or gave him a tight hug?_

_And if I do that, will he laugh after being surprised?_

Peter wasn't sure about that, but he got a pleasant mood by just imagining that.

Peter was waiting for Neal to wake up.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed my first fan-fiction!  
> If you liked it, please leave me a comment or kudos ;)
> 
> I'm still learning English, so if you found a grammatical error/ had any suggestions about idioms, vocabularies, or something, please let me know! :>  
> Writing a story in English was so hard, and I was almost losing my confidence…
> 
> ***
> 
> Neal hadn't given us the details of his mother, so I don't know about her so much. But guessing from what Neal said, she was not in a condition to raise a child.
> 
> I think Neal is a kind of pure, romantic, and devoted person, but also he sometimes seems like a boy who just wants to be loved somewhere in his heart.


End file.
